A Love/Hate Relationship with Travel
Growing up in the hoard, I loved every opportunity to escape. By the time I was a senior in high school, I had flown several places alone for church events and music festivals. I loved going places!
But going places was often a double-edged sword. I made plans and told my mother where I was going, but more than once, I returned home to an angry and enraged mother who swore she didn't know where I was or when I'd be back. No matter how much I went over my plans with her, this could happen at anytime. And those returns weren't pleasant at all. (These were never trips...just outings with friends for a couple of hours.)
Somehow though, my mind was able to falsely transfer the anxiety I felt every time I walked out the door without my mother to travelling. Even as a married adult with children of her own, I would get deep anxiety every time I left for a trip. I was waiting for someone to yell at me, "I didn't know where you were! How dare you leave and not tell me?"
This anxiety is fruitless. It does nothing positive or helpful for me. But it's still rearing its ugly head as I prepare for TWO trips. This is frustrating because I've worked on this issue quite a bit in the last two years. We do travel frequently, and I self-talk and focus on breathing techniques, pray until the anxiety goes away.
But it's back! And it's back EARLY! I have almost a week left until I leave and I am on edge. My stomach feels queasy; I've lost my appetite; I'm feeling stressed out by every item in the house that is out of place. It's trying to beat me!
But I won't let it happen. I won't let this beat me, rob me of an exciting experience, or stop me. I will cling instead to a promise:
And I will overcome and have a great time!
But going places was often a double-edged sword. I made plans and told my mother where I was going, but more than once, I returned home to an angry and enraged mother who swore she didn't know where I was or when I'd be back. No matter how much I went over my plans with her, this could happen at anytime. And those returns weren't pleasant at all. (These were never trips...just outings with friends for a couple of hours.)
Somehow though, my mind was able to falsely transfer the anxiety I felt every time I walked out the door without my mother to travelling. Even as a married adult with children of her own, I would get deep anxiety every time I left for a trip. I was waiting for someone to yell at me, "I didn't know where you were! How dare you leave and not tell me?"
This anxiety is fruitless. It does nothing positive or helpful for me. But it's still rearing its ugly head as I prepare for TWO trips. This is frustrating because I've worked on this issue quite a bit in the last two years. We do travel frequently, and I self-talk and focus on breathing techniques, pray until the anxiety goes away.
But it's back! And it's back EARLY! I have almost a week left until I leave and I am on edge. My stomach feels queasy; I've lost my appetite; I'm feeling stressed out by every item in the house that is out of place. It's trying to beat me!
But I won't let it happen. I won't let this beat me, rob me of an exciting experience, or stop me. I will cling instead to a promise:
"I can do all this through him who gives me strength." --Philippians 4:13
And I will overcome and have a great time!
Comments
I've forgotten my skill set. Making lists, but no obsessively.
Top of the list:
Manicure
Addresses and maps
Cash
Boyfriend
Laptop
Cell phone
Chargers
Sense of humor
Ah... That's better. See you in a week!
Pardon my French, and Happy Bastille Day!