Showing posts from May 8, 2011

Granting Forgiveness

I have spent far too many days, months, years angry with my mother for the childhood she bestowed upon me. I've born the weight of verbal injuries upon my breast and cried over them until I swore I'd never be able to cry a tear again. I'd tied my bitterness around my neck as a noose that I would hang myself, and every relationship I would seek from. In anger, bitterness, and hard-heartedness I was dead in my living. I cursed all that I touched. I forgave my mom several years ago. I had realized that I needed to be free of the power hating her, wanting to see her get hers, had over me. So before she ever asked, and probably before she truly realized that I had such feelings toward her in so deep a way, I forgave her. At first, it was very difficult. I had to give her forgiveness over and over. Sometimes I had to do it over and over in the same day. She drove me crazy! And sometimes I would find myself in a place where I couldn't let it go. I learned to stay clear of he

My "bi-polar" faith

James 1:6-8 John 8:36 My family carries a gene mutation that increases the risk of bipolar disorder. My mother and my daughter are both affected although both are currently leading healthy, fulfilling lives with the help of medication and counseling, PTL! But when I was growing up, my mother was undiagnosed and untreated. She was both the coolest and the harshest mother around. Inconsistency in mood and manner was her consistency. It was the one thing I could count on--that I could not predict her mood. I have not been diagnosed as bipolar myself, but I have battled with depression from time to time. I understand the flip side of normal days and the blues. I know the joys of "I think I can" and the uncertainty of "I can't". So I understand double-mindedness. God is not like that, and He asks that we know and trust Him as He is. If we ask in faith without doubting, we will receive what we ask for according to His will. But how many times do we go to the

My name is...My birthday is...

Earlier today, I overheard an amusing conversation between my three-year-old daughter and my husband. It went something like this. "My name is Busy." "I know; I gave you that name." "My birthday is..." "I know; I was there." It was humorous to hear her inform her daddy of these things because she was so adamant in sharing it as though he were a complete stranger and not someone who played such a large role in her being from before her birth! And it made me think about how I act when I come before my Heavenly Father. "I am Ceci; I'm a mother, and I'm the adult daughter of a hoarder who is also mentally ill; I'm a wife but I've been bruised by divorce. I wasn't planned, but I was born on..." And I hear my Daddy looking down in love saying, "I know! I was there before you were born. I knew who you would become; I knew what obstacles you would face. I chose you and I knew before you knew yourself. And I w

A Mother's Day Blessing

Today I am reminded of the blessings I've been showered with over the past couple of years. First, I have been given beautiful children who continue to teach me the meaning of grace and forgiveness. This has been such a blessing to me as I worked out my past and let go of bitterness and my own unforgiving spirit. Second, I have been blessed with the opportunity to heal and build a new relationship with my own mother. Part of me truly believed that it was not possible to have a new beginning. But we do! We're on our way to see my mom and spend some time with her on this Mother's Day. I hope to give you just enough hope to NOT GIVE UP even if your relationship with your mother, or with your children, is or has been strained. As long as you are all still living, hope remains. Happy Mother's Day! PS. Apparently, if you want to send your mom can still do so in some markets via FTD (whose picture I borrowed above)!