One Wee Spark

September is National Suicide Prevention Month. As the month draws to a close, it's my prayer that we not forget the people around us who are silently struggling to justify doing another hard day. May every day be a day where those who have found the strength to do another day find the courage to share their stories. Each one matters. In the midst of a season where it felt like everything that mattered to me--dreams, identity, health--was being ripped from me, I found myself staring into a very deep chasm. Instead of hope, I felt violently overwhelmed. My pain appeared to be spilling over and affecting those I love the most.   Ending this now would save them the burden I'd become, the voice said to me. I could do this. I could keep plodding away through the quicksand. I could keep taking the slow, hard breaths. You could let some of the pain go if you... No. I could not entertain those thoughts.

"Grace saves me from my sin; it does not  remove the consequence of my actions." Have you ever done something that you regretted before you'd even finished doing it? No? It's just me...okay! I'm going to be very real here. I make bad decisions all the time. Well, maybe not all the time, but more often than I'd like to admit. Underneath, I'm really just a haute mess with a little coffee and a lot of Jesus in me! instagram.com/1weespark I take comfort in knowing that I'm in good company. Many of the people I admire most, the people who have encouraged and lifted me up are, in fact, also humans who make mistakes, messes, and bad decisions. One of my favorite examples of this human condition I find myself in is David, King David. David's story is inspiring because it wasn't an easy life. As a teenager, he is anointed and named to be the successor of the current king, Saul. But David isn't the son of Saul. But that's ...

"Hello? Hello? Huh-llo???" I demanded finally through the Bluetooth in my car.  Why wasn't the caller responding to me? Couldn't they hear me? Had they hung up? Or...was it that I simply couldn't hear them ? Technology, like anything else, is as good as our understanding of how it works. FAITH and our relationship with God are exactly the same. I've been there. I'm guessing since you're still reading, you're there right now. You've come before God on your knees, face down, begging Him to reveal something to you. Anything. Just speak!

I love reading. Even from my youngest years, I could be found with a book in hand. I'd stay up late during high school, not doing homework, but deep in the pages and the story of a good book. I learned back then an interesting thing about books; there's so much more to a book than a single reading can ever give up. Great writers manage to lace symbolism and deep thematic messages into their writing that, upon the first read, might seem to be only "a story." IG: @1weespark I'm learning too that there's so much more to my own story than my first experience of it.

This morning wasn't as tough as I expected. Knowing that today was the BIG DAY--Election Day 2016--had been bringing some anxiety and weariness to my heart and soul. But today, I have peace. Blessed peace. Which seems odd. I could not have peace today on my own. I know that I am simply not capable of it. There are so many questions tossing around in my head, my heart, and my soul today about the status of our country.

 "For we walk by faith, not by sight." -2 Corinthians 5:7 The start of my life on earth was…well, complicated . I don’t know all the details. You know what they say, there’s three sides to every story. I know my mother’s side, but my father refuses to speak about it, and I’m just beginning to grasp the third side—God’s plan. Suffice it to say though, I was an unplanned pregnancy. My parents weren’t married, and apparently they weren’t on the same page in their relationship. Alone, pregnant out of wedlock, my mother did what many others did in the same situation: She planned to put her baby up for adoption.

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls." -James 1:19-21 NLT Joy and Anger Junk (PART 2)by MissDaniChan I've always had a short temper. It was really bad at times when I was younger. Cross me, and I would erupt into destructive forces like you may have never seen before. 

When I first offered the Buried in Treasures Workshop in May 2012, I had a shortsighted view of what we were doing. My goal initially was to educate myself on hoarding behaviors and learn to help my mother. I fell into the group process accidentally--because the structure for help was a group format, and because as I tried to make sense of my life in relation to my mother's hoarding behaviors I had gone public. I became the most accessible point of hoarding information in Spokane. My focus was on the "now," and did not extend beyond the 20 weeks it would take to hold the workshop by much. I knew I needed to make ongoing, long-term support after the workshop available but my vision into the future didn't extend very far. (Borrowed from the Internet, original source unknown)

That old question came back to me today: Why am I here? Is there a reason for this life of mine? It's not a question rooted in anxiety or depression today, but rather is rooted in a perspective of looking back, reflecting on what has been so far. Borrowed from InnatCascade.com This life, my life, has not been easy. I suppose, most of us would say that if we were asked. It's not something special or unique to me. Life, it turns out, is tough for most of us in some way.

In my quiet time this morning, I was reading from Mark 10 , the story of Blind Bartimaeus. It is a very short story considering what happens. As Jesus enters and then leaves Jericho, a crowd follows Him. This is a pretty common experience for Jesus and His disciples. (Jericho is the same town that Jesus passed through and happened upon Zacchaeus, the story is found in Luke 19 ). Besides the fact that both Zacchaeus and Bartimaeus encountered Jesus in a meaningful way as He passed through Jericho, both men were seeking Jesus. Zacchaeus wanted to see Jesus but found the crowds were too big, and being short in stature, decided to run ahead of the crowd. When he got ahead of the crowds, he climbed into a sycamore-fig tree. Have you stopped to think about that? Imagine for just a second that you are at a political rally in your own neighborhood. There's a candidate who seems to offer true hope for your community, your life, your neighbors' lives. But there's a huge cro...

Borrowed from thewatershed.com As a child growing up in the emotional and environmental chaos that is a hoarded home, I believed that somehow my desire to change or help my mother find her own change was enough. Psychologists call it magical thinking, and it occurs for all children to differing degrees. Magical thinking is the belief that a child has that somehow their actions initiate or stop other actions that are independent of their actual abilities.  But many children grow up to become broken, hurt adults (as I am and continue to overcome) that have not been able to identify how their magical thinking is simply that... M  A  G  I  C  A  L.

[Credit is due to my dear friend TLH for the word picture contained herein. It's all my writing, but I owe her for the visual that helped me find "my way" so to speak!] Have you ever been on a road trip in a city that you were not familiar with, and although relying heavily on your trusty GPS when you realize that you've made a turn just seconds before the GPS dialogue begins, "Recalculating...?" Honestly, I find that female voice slightly condescending as she points out what I've already realized. Duh! I know! And yet, twenty minutes later, that same female voice warns me to bear left when the freeway forks ahead. That voice is calm and soothing when it guides me, welcoming and reassuring.

It is with great joy and humility that I announce that we are offering another facilitated self-help group in Spokane, Washington for those who struggle with an excessive accumulation of things, clutter, and/or hoarding! Lightening the Load, a ministry of Sheltering Tree Church announces the 2nd Buried In Treasures Workshop! Beginning on Wednesday, 12/12/12 at...you guessed it! 12 Noon! The workshop consists of 15 two-hour sessions, and ends in early May.

It's been a while since I've posted on here...but I felt like today, I should share this thing I'm in the middle of. It's not a bad thing, per se...but it involves perhaps one of the toughest elements of change--embracing a new perspective about oneself. In other words, I am embracing "the real Ceci G", and becoming comfortable with who she is, further defining what I am not, and looking more realistically at what I can become. It's as if, in some ways, I'm looking at the whole world in a new perspective simply by looking more honestly at me.

Maybe you've wandered over accidentally; you're blessed not to have a parent who hoards. That's not to say that your life is perfect. I know we all take our lumps. But it's entirely possible you've wandered to my little corner of the world, and you wonder... What's the big deal about growing up in a home chock-full of stuff? It's just stuff, right? Only it's not. It never was just stuff; it will never be about the stuff. I distanced myself from my mother less because of the embarrassment about the house and the stuff, and primarily because of the way life feels in the hoarded home.

Something I've struggled with for just about as long as I can remember is an ability to dream and plan. For most of my adult life, if you asked me where I wanted to be, what I wanted to achieve in the next five years, I'd look at you with a blank stare. Who me? Borrowed from YourSoulGuidance dot com I have no idea!

The holiday season is almost over, and I hope that each of my readers had a wonderful time with family and friends. I realize, however, that quite possibly, that was not the case, especially regarding our HPs. And so, my motto for the New Year is simply this: "I can't change my HP, but I can change my response to my HP." I will never have to power to fix my mom, make her different, or even bargain with her to lasting change. I can, and have, spent years trying to do these things with no effect. However, the second I set about to change ME , my mother seemed to change to. I can't promise that if you change how you respond to your HP that they will change. However, I can promise that when you turn your energies inward to changing the only person you can effectively make better, you will care less about your HP's neuroses. Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not suggesting that you won't care about their mess and their mental health issues, their won...

Healing and change  come not from constant striving, 

Two nights ago, during my quiet time with my Daddy, I read a devotion. The gist of the devotion was this: If I knew Jesus were in the next room praying for me, I would not doubt or be afraid. But regardless of the distance, I know Jesus is praying for me. This really struck me.

I've been reading books for over two years now about facing the ugly truths that are our pasts, acknowledging them, rolling around in the pain and feeling it deeply so as to let it go and move forward. This process really began a lot longer than just two years ago. I began this process the first time nine years ago, back in 2002 when my first marriage was crumbling around me. One of the most hurtful things that came out of my first marriage falling apart was an accusation my ex made: You tell me all the time that you love me, but I don't feel loved.