One Wee Spark

"And now I say to you, keep away from these men and let them alone; for if this plan or this work is of men, it will come to nothing; but if it is of God, you cannot overthrow it —lest you even be found to fight against God."-Acts 5:38-39 I have spent a large portion of my life talking myself out of doing the things I felt led to do, the things I am gifted in, or the things that just seemed scary to me. I learned growing up that failure is not an option, trusting in yourself or others can be scary if not dangerous. And so I've often chosen the safe path, the way of least resistance, regardless of whether it was the right way to go. As I begin to learn to trust my gut response to things, to validate my personal needs and desires, to embrace my passions as being acceptable, I'm spending lots of time going back and forth between believing I can try something and reverting to the old broken message: “If you fail, you'll never live this down!” In fact, over the weekend...

In the early morning hours this morning, as I was feeding my beautiful baby girl, I began to ponder the oddity that family is. This week was filled with grief and mourning, but from that sadness came healing and blessing. For the first time in a VERY long time, I was together with a part of my extended family. Sadly, it has taken funerals to get me together with this part of my family. But I won't let it be that way anymore. While sitting dazed, half-awake and half-asleep, it dawned on me. Family is like... FRUITCAKE! *giggling* It didn't sound as odd to say that at 2am, but I think it still fits. Nobody I know MAKES fruitcake. It's just kinda always there for Christmas. And family is kinda like that. We don't really make it, it just is what it is. Most of the time, fruitcake is hard, stale, and un-enjoyable; our families can easily become just that without proper care. Fruitcakes have so many different ingredients, things we might not bring together otherwise. Oh my! H...

NOTE: I want to remind anyone reading here that I am not a professional--not an organizer, social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist. I observe and report what I see, and I try to blend my observations with (sometimes against) those who are "experts". A friend recently sent me this email. We met via the internet after my mother's episode aired. I was touched with her ability to share and ask me about this, but I realized that she was probably not the only one who wonders about this issue. This is her email, and my response. I pray it may touch someone else too! You have been in my mind the last few days. I will explain. I have been with my dad @ his home- he is now elderly & can no longer move around independant. He is simply- a hoarder- once removed. See, his situation is a little different. His home is NOT dirty, not cluttered as far as immobile. I suppose you would term him an information hoarder, but most of it (all of it) is info for his former career. He wrote...