One Wee Spark

 It's been years since I've posted here at 1weespark. I didn't disappear, however. I had my head down, studying hard to get my MSW in clinical social work. And writing. Writing in a different way than I had been writing here. Creating content that I needed desperately thirteen years ago when my mother's health started getting iffy. Since January, I've been working on creating content that focuses specifically on what it is like to have a parent who hoards ( PWH ). As a clinical social worker and as someone who grew up amidst my mother's trash and treasures, I wanted to work specifically to create resources for adults like us. This is challenging, to be sure, because although we often have similarities in our stories, it's necessary to remain aware that each family has its own challenges. Anything that I create, it's important to me that it embraces the spectrum of experiences. Similarly, it's important to me to honor your expertise and your insight i...

Some of you have asked about my mom from time to time, and since our story is very public, I like to share occasionally. Stopped by Mom's apartment in the assisted living facility she lives at these days to drop off a few necessities for her. Her apartment continues to remain spacious and sparsely decorated. She spends most of her time in her room, watching TV and tatting or reading. She's given up many other crafts and social activities. I think dementia,  caused by her bipolar disorder, makes social activities hard for her. She can't maintain her focus on so many different people in large groups. She's aware that her memory is going. But dementia means that she forgets things. Like her only child's birthday. Or, it means that she remembers calling me two years ago on my birthday, and well, that is the same as calling me on my birthday this year in her mind. So my birthday came and went unnoticed by Mom. Or so I thought. Tonight, she handed me a neatly wrap...

It's been a tough week. You know, one of those weeks where you know you have nothing to offer it, to solve the problems it holds, and you're extremely grateful to have Abba to listen to your prayers, hear, and respond. As I was pressing into Abba Daddy this morning, I was reminded of one of the most beautiful relationship experiences I've ever had. It wasn't with my husband or kids; it wasn't even directly with God (though He was definitely there). It was during a moment of corporate praise and worship. I had my arms lifted high to heaven, praising God and giving Him glory. My heart posture and the Spirit's leading was to keep my arms raised, worshipping and giving back to God all the praise, glory, honor and worship that God deserves. But my arms were simply weak and tired. My spirit was willing, but my arms--not so much. They were screaming at me in pain! There was this moment when I knew my arms couldn't stay up another moment physically, but spirit...

September is National Suicide Prevention Month. As the month draws to a close, it's my prayer that we not forget the people around us who are silently struggling to justify doing another hard day. May every day be a day where those who have found the strength to do another day find the courage to share their stories. Each one matters. In the midst of a season where it felt like everything that mattered to me--dreams, identity, health--was being ripped from me, I found myself staring into a very deep chasm. Instead of hope, I felt violently overwhelmed. My pain appeared to be spilling over and affecting those I love the most.   Ending this now would save them the burden I'd become, the voice said to me. I could do this. I could keep plodding away through the quicksand. I could keep taking the slow, hard breaths. You could let some of the pain go if you... No. I could not entertain those thoughts.

"Grace saves me from my sin; it does not  remove the consequence of my actions." Have you ever done something that you regretted before you'd even finished doing it? No? It's just me...okay! I'm going to be very real here. I make bad decisions all the time. Well, maybe not all the time, but more often than I'd like to admit. Underneath, I'm really just a haute mess with a little coffee and a lot of Jesus in me! instagram.com/1weespark I take comfort in knowing that I'm in good company. Many of the people I admire most, the people who have encouraged and lifted me up are, in fact, also humans who make mistakes, messes, and bad decisions. One of my favorite examples of this human condition I find myself in is David, King David. David's story is inspiring because it wasn't an easy life. As a teenager, he is anointed and named to be the successor of the current king, Saul. But David isn't the son of Saul. But that's ...

"Hello? Hello? Huh-llo???" I demanded finally through the Bluetooth in my car.  Why wasn't the caller responding to me? Couldn't they hear me? Had they hung up? Or...was it that I simply couldn't hear them ? Technology, like anything else, is as good as our understanding of how it works. FAITH and our relationship with God are exactly the same. I've been there. I'm guessing since you're still reading, you're there right now. You've come before God on your knees, face down, begging Him to reveal something to you. Anything. Just speak!

I love reading. Even from my youngest years, I could be found with a book in hand. I'd stay up late during high school, not doing homework, but deep in the pages and the story of a good book. I learned back then an interesting thing about books; there's so much more to a book than a single reading can ever give up. Great writers manage to lace symbolism and deep thematic messages into their writing that, upon the first read, might seem to be only "a story." IG: @1weespark I'm learning too that there's so much more to my own story than my first experience of it.

This morning wasn't as tough as I expected. Knowing that today was the BIG DAY--Election Day 2016--had been bringing some anxiety and weariness to my heart and soul. But today, I have peace. Blessed peace. Which seems odd. I could not have peace today on my own. I know that I am simply not capable of it. There are so many questions tossing around in my head, my heart, and my soul today about the status of our country.

 "For we walk by faith, not by sight." -2 Corinthians 5:7 The start of my life on earth was…well, complicated . I don’t know all the details. You know what they say, there’s three sides to every story. I know my mother’s side, but my father refuses to speak about it, and I’m just beginning to grasp the third side—God’s plan. Suffice it to say though, I was an unplanned pregnancy. My parents weren’t married, and apparently they weren’t on the same page in their relationship. Alone, pregnant out of wedlock, my mother did what many others did in the same situation: She planned to put her baby up for adoption.

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls." -James 1:19-21 NLT Joy and Anger Junk (PART 2)by MissDaniChan I've always had a short temper. It was really bad at times when I was younger. Cross me, and I would erupt into destructive forces like you may have never seen before. 

Forgive me. You've been so kind to follow and read my posts in the past. I've been busy. Not too busy for my readers; I deeply appreciate you. Just busy. But back in the Fall, I was super busy speaking at conferences in Washington State and California, primarily on the effects to the child who grows up in hoarding. It was tough to speak on such a personal topic. I know you understand. I speak all the time. To social workers; to municipal employees and agencies; to mental health providers; to the community-at-large; to magazine, news channel and newspaper reporters. But this Fall, I took on a new stage, literally, at TedxSpokane--'Knowing It Again.' I did it for you. For your friends who don't get it. For your HPs who don't know they need help or understanding. For our children whose generation can do better. Please feel free to share this. As far as I can tell, this is the first TedTalk done specifically on hoarding. This message needs to get o...

It was six years ago this fall that my mother fell in between the piles of trash , treasures and trinkets in her home, leading to the most difficult season in my life thus far. I wandered through that period with few resources and guides. It wasn't that no one else had been in a similar situation. It was that so many families and individuals were keeping the hoarding secret held so closely and tightly that I did not have access to their knowledge, their experience, their wisdom. Swirling Question, courtesy of flickr But no more! More and more families are sharing their secrets and offering advice. My brothers and sisters from the hoard (along with myself) are finding our voices and helping others find their way through these tough situations. If today you find yourself on the brink of a forced hoarding intervention, or if you simply know that someday you may find yourself there , I hope you will head over and check out this list of questions I've put together. Helping ...

Blogging has really evolved over the last five years. Although there are still many who blog for purely hobby or family, most blogs today are an affordable way to begin creating a platform to reach others who need the information you already possess. If you started blogging years ago for personal, family, or as a hobby, you may find that your current efforts to build a regular readership, find new clients, or recruit new business partnerships seem to be limited by the noise from these previous efforts. It may be time to consider a move. courtesy of Nathan O'Nions at flickr When I began writing here nearly six years ago, my journey was much like that of Hansel and Gretel. I was wandering through the dark wood of my childhood, leaving breadcrumbs in case I lost my way. There were many times I came back here to revisit my journey, rechecking that I was not, in fact, lost along my way. Somewhere along my journey, however, I realized that I was no longer headed toward the witch...

When I first offered the Buried in Treasures Workshop in May 2012, I had a shortsighted view of what we were doing. My goal initially was to educate myself on hoarding behaviors and learn to help my mother. I fell into the group process accidentally--because the structure for help was a group format, and because as I tried to make sense of my life in relation to my mother's hoarding behaviors I had gone public. I became the most accessible point of hoarding information in Spokane. My focus was on the "now," and did not extend beyond the 20 weeks it would take to hold the workshop by much. I knew I needed to make ongoing, long-term support after the workshop available but my vision into the future didn't extend very far. (Borrowed from the Internet, original source unknown)

That old question came back to me today: Why am I here? Is there a reason for this life of mine? It's not a question rooted in anxiety or depression today, but rather is rooted in a perspective of looking back, reflecting on what has been so far. Borrowed from InnatCascade.com This life, my life, has not been easy. I suppose, most of us would say that if we were asked. It's not something special or unique to me. Life, it turns out, is tough for most of us in some way.

In my quiet time this morning, I was reading from Mark 10 , the story of Blind Bartimaeus. It is a very short story considering what happens. As Jesus enters and then leaves Jericho, a crowd follows Him. This is a pretty common experience for Jesus and His disciples. (Jericho is the same town that Jesus passed through and happened upon Zacchaeus, the story is found in Luke 19 ). Besides the fact that both Zacchaeus and Bartimaeus encountered Jesus in a meaningful way as He passed through Jericho, both men were seeking Jesus. Zacchaeus wanted to see Jesus but found the crowds were too big, and being short in stature, decided to run ahead of the crowd. When he got ahead of the crowds, he climbed into a sycamore-fig tree. Have you stopped to think about that? Imagine for just a second that you are at a political rally in your own neighborhood. There's a candidate who seems to offer true hope for your community, your life, your neighbors' lives. But there's a huge cro...

Borrowed from thewatershed.com As a child growing up in the emotional and environmental chaos that is a hoarded home, I believed that somehow my desire to change or help my mother find her own change was enough. Psychologists call it magical thinking, and it occurs for all children to differing degrees. Magical thinking is the belief that a child has that somehow their actions initiate or stop other actions that are independent of their actual abilities.  But many children grow up to become broken, hurt adults (as I am and continue to overcome) that have not been able to identify how their magical thinking is simply that... M  A  G  I  C  A  L.

Paul Marcarelli, the writer of Clutter, shared with the audience after the world premiere showing in Seattle that he originally had planned to write a film about a home stager breaking into her career. Instead, Marcarelli birthed the first film to focus fully on hoarding disorder (HD) and the effects of living and growing up in a hoarded home. The Bradford family is really no different than most other American families, searching for the next “thing” to make them feel good enough, safe enough, something enough. Carol Kane ( Taxi, Beetlejuice ) takes on the role of Linda Bradford, a mother whose collection-ing is intensified by a traumatic life event, leaving her to raise three children in a home that has everything except enough room to breathe. “You’ll have to take me out of here kicking and screaming!”  Linda warns her adult children after the home is condemned due to the overaccumulation of stuff and the visitors such living has attracted. Faced with ...

[Credit is due to my dear friend TLH for the word picture contained herein. It's all my writing, but I owe her for the visual that helped me find "my way" so to speak!] Have you ever been on a road trip in a city that you were not familiar with, and although relying heavily on your trusty GPS when you realize that you've made a turn just seconds before the GPS dialogue begins, "Recalculating...?" Honestly, I find that female voice slightly condescending as she points out what I've already realized. Duh! I know! And yet, twenty minutes later, that same female voice warns me to bear left when the freeway forks ahead. That voice is calm and soothing when it guides me, welcoming and reassuring.

It is with great joy and humility that I announce that we are offering another facilitated self-help group in Spokane, Washington for those who struggle with an excessive accumulation of things, clutter, and/or hoarding! Lightening the Load, a ministry of Sheltering Tree Church announces the 2nd Buried In Treasures Workshop! Beginning on Wednesday, 12/12/12 at...you guessed it! 12 Noon! The workshop consists of 15 two-hour sessions, and ends in early May.