One Wee Spark

Last summer, I had the humbling privilege of meeting with a group of approximately 20 adult "children of hoarders" at the Dante House, with our host, Dr. Suzanne Chabaud . Dr. Chabaud was preparing to open her online survey of adult children from hoarded homes, and this group came together to share commonalities, offer support, and to become empowered to make change for others like us, especially those children who might still be living in a hoarded home. One of my colleagues, Momma B, as I call her, has been writing for years as a way to move through the chaos of her childhood. Her blog is on my list over there <--------. But just recently, her book by the same name, Nice Children Stolen From Car, became available for purchase. http://www.amazon.com/Nice-Children-Stolen-Car-1/dp/1475192630/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1337734821&sr=1-1 I strongly encourage you, no! I beg you! to click on the link and purchase Barbara Allen's book. Plus, if you...

The holiday season is almost over, and I hope that each of my readers had a wonderful time with family and friends. I realize, however, that quite possibly, that was not the case, especially regarding our HPs. And so, my motto for the New Year is simply this: "I can't change my HP, but I can change my response to my HP." I will never have to power to fix my mom, make her different, or even bargain with her to lasting change. I can, and have, spent years trying to do these things with no effect. However, the second I set about to change ME , my mother seemed to change to. I can't promise that if you change how you respond to your HP that they will change. However, I can promise that when you turn your energies inward to changing the only person you can effectively make better, you will care less about your HP's neuroses. Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not suggesting that you won't care about their mess and their mental health issues, their won...

Recently, I found myself in a situation that has become more unfamiliar to me these days. I found myself in a place where I couldn't find my hope reserves and cling to it. I was angry, tired, and frustrated. I wanted to yell out, "Stop this bus, I want to get off!" But I didn't. Instead, I decided I wanted to try something different. I longed to wander, to see new places, to leave behind what was familiar. I didn't want to leave to seek a solution; I wanted only to leave it behind, ignore it, pretend it wouldn't follow me, and "fix it now".

This isn't really supposed to be about shameless, self promotion, but I want to make sure that my readers here know about Adult Children of Hoarders Spokane's webpage . It's nothing fancy, but I'm working to add links for local professionals (organizers, counselors, social workers). At this point the group is just me and some empty chairs, but it has afforded me the opportunity to speak to professional groups who might have clients who would benefit from the group. LOGO, Adult Children of Hoarders Spokane Please stop by, check it out, and bookmark it. We continue to meet on the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays of the month, and will continue to do so until we have no room or I pass on...whichever comes first. Thanks for your support, my fine readers!

Admittedly, my desire for a local recovery group for Adult Children of Hoarders is quite selfish. As I continue to work my own recovery, I find it is possible to move forward without a group, but perhaps not ideal. And so, I often reach out to others who are going through the same things as I am via the internet--blogging, forums, social networking, etc. Last night I had a short conversation with another adult child who was having a rough evening. The need to express herself was not out of the ordinary, but she needed someone who could listen, validate her right to have the feelings she was having, and encouraging her to work through them instead of reacting badly. Sigh, I only wish that when I was her age I'd had the same opportunity to connect with someone else who had been there and knew the secret world I was continuing to cut ties to!

Borrowed from Bookshelf Organization at craftime.com I am preparing to give my first hour long presentation to a group of psychiatric nurse practitioners on hoarding, growing up as a child in the hoard, and what the mission and vision is for the Adult Children of Hoarders recovery group I'm starting here in Spokane. So...I couldn't get a group of pastors or school counselors who aren't so well-versed in matters of mental illness to speak to first? No. Apparently that is not what God has planned.

Tonight was the third meeting of Adult Children of Hoarders Spokane. It was highly successful. Still, I was the only member. How was it successful?

Please forward and tweet this message to all your peeps! (Okay...that lingo doesn't really work for me...but I tried. Give me half credit for trying!) Tonight is the FIRST ever meeting of Adult Children of Hoarders (ACH) Spokane! We're meeting at:   5025 N. Market (in Hillyard) from:    7-8:30pm We will continue to assemble on  the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays of the month. With explicit permission, we will be using the Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) literature until we have had an opportunity to build our own. It is MY hope that the group will be able to support expansion to other cities and states. Be patient. The ACA book is 645 pages...the workbook alone is 150! I can't do it all alone! But we haven't forgotten COH in other areas! If you're a COH in the Spokane/Post Falls/Coeur d'Alene area, I hope you join us tonight!

Obviously, I am excited by the ABC 20/20 segment coming up tomorrow night ! Jessie Sholl, the author of "Dirty Secret" --a memoir about growing up with a hoarding parent (HP) and I have become friend "virtual friends" via Facebook and the Children of Hoarders website and related Yahoo! group . Also, Jason Brunet ( Three Ninjas' musician and son of "Hoarders" participant, Augustine) will be featured on the segments. Slowly but surely, our story--the story of what happens when children grow up with stuff that is more important than they are, with parents whose mental health isn't just quite there, whose homes are filthy, cluttered, and sometimes infested--is being shared. I personally believe that without shows like "Hoarders" and "Hoarding: Buried Alive" , the public would not be ready or willing to hear our stories. Our stories are not neat and tidy; they are not fairy tales; they are not pretty; they stink, they invoke a...

Since the new group starts next Tuesday, I felt like repeating the information on Awareness Day was apropos. I hope that if this describes you or someone you know, you will join us. NEXT TUESDAY--AUGUST 9TH! A new support/recovery group for children of hoarders (COH) in the Spokane area. It will meet on the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays of the month thereafter. Location:  5025 N. Market in Hillyard  Time: 7:00pm until 8:30pm . For more info call: 509-434-8874 Email: achspokane@gmail.com There is no cost to be a part of the group, although donations will be accepted to offset the cost of using the facility.

It's been announced elsewhere already, but this is the first official announcement of the new support/recovery group for children of hoarders (COH) in the Spokane area. It will begin on Tuesday, August 9th and meet on the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays of the month thereafter. It will meet at 5025 N. Market in Hillyard from 7:00pm until 8:30pm. Here is a brief description of what I found in myself that needed reworking: HOUSE RULES—Broken laws from childhood: (Adapted from “The Laundry List” of ACA WSO) 1. Be afraid, very afraid and stay away from people, especially authority figures. 2. It's safer to make others happy than risk having a need; our identity isn't that important anyway. 3. I'll do anything to keep you from yelling or getting angry with me, and please don't criticize me. 4. We often become like our parents, marry people who are like them, or find another compulsive/obsessive personality because we are terrified of being left behind. 5. We've learned to be vi...