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Showing posts from May 2, 2010

Not Always Going To Be Like This

"There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven...a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to rebuild. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance...A time to keep and a time to throw away.A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak up." ~Ecclesiastes 3, selected portions of verses 1 through 8

As I continue to reflect on the path I have trod in the last year, I realize that often I landed upon this soft, warm spot in the grass where I believed that I would never be able to drag myself up from my seat and to my feet once again. I reasoned that although this was not the spot I wanted to be in right now, it was easier to stay there than to put forth the effort to get up and move.

The view from this spot isn't always so bad, depending on my mood. To one side there is a rainy forest area that reminds me of the tears that I have shed too often. As they land upon the rocks and dirt below, th…

A Journey to Denial

I've been absent. I can't count how many days I've been silent here but I know that it's been too long. I feel like a student who's been skipping school. I know that probably seems like a funny statement to make about not blogging, but I have realized recently that this--sharing here on my blog--is part of my recovery. When I grow weary and silent it is the same as picking up the bottle again for the alcoholic, or falling back into another addiction because they've quit the program.

The reality is that recovery isn't about my mom being a hoarder or about how she raised me and what I experienced. My recovery is about how I responded to what happened, and even more so, how I continue to respond to what happened.

My absence has been due, in part, to my journey to the land of Denial. The irony about that statement for me is that I have faced up to the past and its traumas, felt them for the first time, embraced them for what they are--good and bad, and attempted …