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Showing posts from May 29, 2011

Can't...

I can't control the weather,
but I can make new plans.

I can't make all the decisions,
but I can respect the choices others make.

I can't fix my parents,
but I can fix me.

I can't always protect my children,
but I can wipe away their tears.

I can't be something that I am not,
but I can be the best that I am.

I can't heal myself,
but I know someone who can. I am.

Less than perfect, but not so bad

Image
I have struggled my entire adult life to find a place of moderation in my home. I have had short-lived periods of extreme clean, and a few moments of embarassment, but for the most part, I think I fall within the category of normal.

I took these photos today to do TWO things:
1. Face a fear of taking photos without cleaning everything FIRST
2. Show you what my house looks like (since we here that hoarding is often genetic)



This is my new bedroom this morning. I had to stop myself from making the bed. If you walked in right now, this is what you'd see. If you stopped by in 20 minutes, the bed would be made EVERYDAY.



Ack! Dishes in the sink! But this is the way it is just after the kids head off to school. This is real, but they won't stay there long!



This is the fridge and cupboard. Always more cluttered than I like, but clean :)



This is the family desk. Again, more cluttered than I would like in a perfect world, but not scary. Someday, we're going to have an office downstairs and…

My Father in Heaven, how I fear your name!

James 1 (NKJV)

Somewhere along the way, I've come to a conclusion:

I struggle with placing my trust completely in God because I didn't completely trust my earthly parents.

My dad wasn't around, so I couldn't really count on him for much of anything except money here and there. He missed my confirmation, my high school graduation, my wedding, and my first child's baptism. He was very inaccessible, and I knew not to expect much from him.

My mother's struggles with bipolar personality disorder, untreated, taught me to really weigh my requests. Often, I had needs or desires that I never brought up for fear of blowing her good mood, or because I had no idea how she might respond.

So I learned to count on me. The things I couldn't provide for myself, well...they weren't that important, were they?

God is a loving father. He wants to dote on His children. He wants us to come to Him with our hurts, our joys, our fears, and our needs. And He sits and listens. Always.

I…

A Memorial

Isaiah 46:4

I have loved to read and write from the time I was very young, reading even before kindergarten. I suppose reading and writing were escapes from a childhood experience that was at times, less than ideal. Writing gave me a voice when I could not find my own. Writing gave me power in a world that made me feel powerless.

This weekend, as I was moving some stuff from storage into our new bedroom, I stumbled upon some writings from my tween and teen years. These are smaller memorials to my mindset and coping during that period of my life. Some of it embarrasses me, most of it I just find humorous. But all of it reminds me of what I have overcome.

Let me correct that last statement.

But all of it reminds me of what God has carried me through!

During my little ones' naptime today, I was taking a journey back through my blog entries here in the last 18 months. I believed for so long that I was writing these to help and encourage others, but today....today I see that these entries a…