One Wee Spark

I Timothy 1:15 I wrote about forgiving others earlier this week--forgiving someone who hasn't asked and may not even know they need to ask, and forgiving someone who has repented and asked for forgiveness. I've had the opportunity to set myself free by forgiving others who hurt me even if they didn't ask for it or realize they'd done so. I've also had the blessing of relationship restoring forgiveness, given to someone who knew they'd wounded me and wanted to restore our relationship. But the one forgiveness that I'm not so good at it self-forgiveness. I believe it's because as a child I often felt like that I wasn't smart enough; I always let others down. I fell short of their expectations, and thus, I fell short of mine. This has been very tough for me to learn, but I get plenty of opportunities to work on it. Like today. I acted poorly; I should have been a light, and if I couldn't be positive, I should have known to have kept my mouth shut. B...

John 1:12-13 This is actually from my personal Bible study reflection...written way back in January. I think it has some good relevance for here too...so I want to share it. My apologies that it's somewhat long. -Ceci Growing up, I was robbed by my mother's untreated mental illness of much of my childhood. I often took on the role of parent, even when I was far too young to really understand the decisions I was making. Often, I found myself resentful and angry at my mother. She was supposed to discipline, protect, nurture and raise ME! not the other way around. I was forced to be what I could not be successfully. Of my earthly parentage, I had no choice. Children of earthly descent have no choice or right to be in a certain family or not. My spot in the world was determined by others before I came to be, and I had no role in this. How different and blessed it is to be a child of God! All it takes to choose the family is to put my faith in Him (God/Jesus Christ) (v.12), and inst...

Yesterday, I wrote about granting forgiveness--basically releasing yourself of the bondage of bitterness and hatred by letting go of the right to get even. Granting forgiveness is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. You're not doing the other person a favor at this point. This forgiveness is all about you. I felt much better as days passed and I had forgiven my mother, but she had no idea that anything had changed because it was a gift I'd given to myself. I was taking back control of a large part of my life. It didn't really affect her at all. But a day was coming, a day I never even believed could come, when my mother would see me and hear me for the first time in a give-and-take relationship, healthy and open. It was something that I wanted deep within, but had pushed the idea so far down that I couldn't have even told you I wanted it at all. I'd been crushed over and over in my life and learned not to have "unreasonable expectations". If you d...