Wanderlust, or "I'd Rather Run Away"

Recently, I found myself in a situation that has become more unfamiliar to me these days. I found myself in a place where I couldn't find my hope reserves and cling to it. I was angry, tired, and frustrated. I wanted to yell out, "Stop this bus, I want to get off!"

But I didn't. Instead, I decided I wanted to try something different. I longed to wander, to see new places, to leave behind what was familiar. I didn't want to leave to seek a solution; I wanted only to leave it behind, ignore it, pretend it wouldn't follow me, and "fix it now".

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As I am so good at doing, I spent time reflecting on my feelings and actions, taking them apart to understand myself as much as possible. I knew that this desire to run away instead of face a wise solution was not a foreign concept to me, although it is no longer one of my strongest coping devices. I found myself reliving feelings of desperation, overwhelming weights placed on my chest and shoulders that taunted me to find something new, better, and healthy to try.

I didn't beat myself up for the desire to run. I needed to sit in the desire, let it simmer around me, taking in my own thoughts and feelings. Putting myself down for being there would only further confuse me. So I practiced self-grace. It's okay to be at my wit's end. It's okay to acknowledge I don't have all the answers. And it's healthy to admit that sometimes those admissions make me feel completely powerless.

As I practiced reflection and grace, I realized that I was not powerless at all. 

I'd possessed power the entire time to choose how I would respond to a bowl full of lemons. I needed to  own my choice now. I needed to accept that I had given away my power; no one had robbed me of it. I needed to change my perspective, but that didn't require me to run from the situation. 

When you find yourself in a corner and lacking insight, knowledge, wisdom, or the strength to act, how do you respond? Anger? Frustration? A desire to run away? How can you tell yourself a story that has yourself as the hero/heroine? What does he/she do to save the day? Can you forgive the hero for weaknesses? If so, you can practice that same grace and forgiveness with yourself. You are the hero/heroine in your own story.

"I didn't realize that if I was thinking something that wasn't true, I had the power to stop. No one ever told me I could win in my mind. Has anyone ever told you? If not, then I'm here today to tell you that you don't have to let your thoughts control you. You can choose to think and focus on God-thoughts!" --Joyce Meyer


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