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Showing posts from June 20, 2010

Where there's smoke there must be fire?

“There may be a great fire in our soul, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passers-by see only a wisp of smoke.” ~Vincent van Gogh

Growing up, the message that I wasn't good enough was pervasive. In my home, I competed for time and attention with things--music, crafts, other people. To my young, child's heart, this competition was interpreted simply that I was not good enough to merit first place in my mother's eye and time.

At school, I learned that attention was earned by being the best, achieving above the expectation. So long as you could stay ahead of the pack academically, even in the artistic merits, you were "good enough". But even then, the pressure to stay at the top, to surpass other's achievements was daunting. By middle school, the pressure to be the best at school was suffocating and oppressive. It wasn't until high school that I gave in, gave up, and succumbed to the idea that I wasn't "good enough".

In relation…

One wee spark

In elementary school and middle school, I would go to summer camp with a group of the local churches. The Synod owned a piece of property atop the mountains between Maryland and Pennsylvania, called Raven Rock. Among my favorite activities were the arts & crafts, swimming, and group sing-alongs. I loved singing songs with 70-80 other kids and counselors. One of my favorite songs was "Pass It On."

The words to the first and third verse are below, written by Kurt Kaiser:

It only takes a spark to get a fire going
And soon all those around, can warm up in its glowing
That's how it is with God's love
Once you've experienced it
You spread His love to everyone
You want to pass it on

I wish for you my friend, This happiness that I've found
You can depend on Him, It matters not where you're bound
I'll shout it from the mountaintop
I want the world to know,
The Lord of Love has come to me
I want to pass it on


When I started this blog, over six months ago, I had no doubt…