A square peg, a lop-sided hole

"A square peg in a round hole is an idiomatic expression which describes the unusual individualist who could not fit into a niche of his society." (from Wikipedia)

Oh, yes! I have long felt like the square peg trying to be pushed into a round hole. As a child, I was painfully aware that my mother was a singular parent, which made our family a square peg amongst round holes. I hit puberty long before most of the other girls, yet another reminder that I was a square peg among a world of round holes. My faith and beliefs have often made me aware that I am a square peg in a sea of round holes. And I hated this for so long!

No one wants to feel like they are different. Conformity is the desire of every adolescent (so long as it is to their peers and not their parents!). We attempt to keep up with the Joneses, just an attempt to round the edges off of our square pegs to fit into all those round holes! Have a large family...and whoa! That is one SQUARE peg you've created!

I've realized many times throughout my life that being the square peg wasn't always so bad. Being the one who is different often makes you unforgettable. And sometimes, everyone is doing something that isn't right, and being different is comforting as you lay your head on the pillow at night and can sleep with a clear conscience. For the most part these days, I don't worry about being a square peg. The Lord knows I have a ton of worries, but this isn't the biggest by far!

And then it hit me. I am a square peg again. I don't fit into a certain group that I thought I would. The group's label describes me, but their characteristics don't. And it began to trouble me some.

Why am I so odd? I'm not sure I want to be different...do I?

But as Popeye always says, "I am what I am." Their hole is lop-sided and I'm a square. You cannot make me fit into that hole, and I'm glad.

Lop-sided holes are often filled with brokenness, bitterness, anger, and frustration. The pegs that fit into those holes are warped, homely, dysfunctional. Those aren't the things I want to describe me. So I keep plugging away, becoming the squarest me I can be because it just might be...there needs to be more square pegs AND holes in the world. Maybe I'm the pattern, a template of something new and better!

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